just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
