Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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