I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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