so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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