i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Im part way to drunk.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
