Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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