well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
