what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
