I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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