My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
