We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
