I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
