I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm both gender and math confused
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
