I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
