just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
