Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
