it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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