He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
