at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
