My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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