You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
