i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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