giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
