I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
