I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
