If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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