soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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