if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
