arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
