We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
