Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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