I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
soo... how was my night?
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