Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
