the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
