nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
