So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
