She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The Olympian is in my bed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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