I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
