just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
