A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
