I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
