hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I enjoy the company of your penis
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