3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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