And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she smelled like a LAN party
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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