I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
