Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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