i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
