If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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