I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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