Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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