We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
