there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
