Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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