you win again, gameday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
