Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
