New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
