There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
