I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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