My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
