I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
