I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
